Ms Unavailability

You think I'm no good because I've gotA boy back at home
who i happen to love.
Yes indeedy-dee i do.
What good does that make me to you?
Go ahead, call me friend if you like.
I'm not saying this is easy, pity me,
I'm unavailable (that's me),
Little Ms Unavailability
Devil - who let you in?
Don't you go messing there again.
Just go, go now away.
Thank God there's always you to blame.
doo doo doo doo....
Some lonesome someone some time ago
Convinced you you had to be broken
To make your words grow,
Now you go using girls like me
To help fuel your creative misery.
You wrote to me not long after I had left
You said "I'm glad you're good.I'm not so good. I'm quite a mess.
Who's gonna sing you to sleep?We could've made such a beautiful, beautiful family."
Devil - who let you in?
Don't you go messing everything up again.
Just walk, walk now away.
Thank God there's always you to blame.
Doo doo doo doo...

a(n almost) spring picnic

so it was my darling friend Eli's birthday today.

we organised a picnic under the poplars behind our favourite cafe at uni.

there were balloons and fabrics and lanterns and sparkles and the sun shone brightly for a lovely bright girl! we drank beer, ate cake, and cheese and there were silly games and a group of some of the most lovely i've met in my life (it sounds corny but it's true)

i picked a bunch of blooms sneakily from the university house garden- jonquils, heliobores, snowbells, daphne and irises. my room just reeks of spring in absolutely the best way possible.

today i held a little bit of delight in my hands, in my heart. it's oozing out of me.

it's made me realise how precious these last 3 years have been;

a beautiful campus, that must have been designed for picnics

a group of people so charming and perspicacious and loving and loveable

an institution which has nourished in me a zeal for learning

a transition from past to present

today is one of those days where you just can't wait to see what the future holds!

a symbiotic organism

an ode to lichen

something older, something brighter than we

so easily missed under feet and wheels and tyres

but you persist

and in your coupling you show your resilience

in your coupling you show us

that it's the friendship we offer which is shallow

because in each other you find survival

two organisms, co-evolved to live and share

in your coupling you show us

who are we to intervene?

to mycobiont and cyanobacterium

in your coupling is love

long time

So it's been a while.

But I'm feeling like I need a space to release a whole lot of thought onto the universe at the moment. I thought I needed it in November; turns out; I didn't!

In 9 months I have broken up, got together, broken down, turned 21, started my final year of university, grown, shrunk.

I have longer hair. My heart is much the wiser. My head still gets carried away.

But I'm getting there. It's hard to even know where to start!

Perhaps, with today....

Today is Saturday. That means it's farmers market day. So I woke up early, jumped on my bike and road the 4km up Northbourne Ave to my 'happy place'. It was noisy and foody and colourful. Each time I go there I wonder why I don't go more often- laziness has such a tight grip on me sometimes! Today's booty included kale, leeks, potatoes, lamb shanks, beautiful red apples, fresh garlic and much much more.

I also swung by Gorman house for a pupusa and 2 kg of Beeswax. I brought it all home and I've been making cinnamon and clove beeswax candles in little pretty glasses. I'm still getting the hang of keeping the wick straight but they are smelling and looking cute!

So much has been happening that makes my brain and my heart swell and overflow with goodness- I've been reading an amazing account of systems thinking (perhaps I'll do another entry about this some time- for now, google will be your friend) by Gerald Midgley which has opened so much of me up to new ways of thinking. I'm working on an independent research project where I'm researching a kitchen-garden in a primary school near here, sponsored by the Stephanie Alexander Foundation. All of these intellectual pursuits are starting to meld with my emotional and spiritual being and, after celebrating my 21st birthday last weekend, I feel like they are leading me to a new epoch of growth.

As for love, the cynicism that comes with age has set in. I hope it fades in time. For now, loving myself and my friends is more than enough to keep a girls heart full!

So, I will endeavour to write more here because my mind is overflowing and I need to put it all somewhere. This may be just the place.

For now, I'm going to watch my candle burn slowly, put on a jumper and have a cup of tea.

Live, love, enjoy

M